deliberations and college applications
i recently started writing my common app for college applications, since this is my last year of high school and i'll need to send in my ED application by november. and as i was writing, i struggled. probably more than i've ever struggled to write anything in my life. i wrote a 12 page research paper about healthcare last semester and had an easier time of it.
i always thought that i liked writing about myself, but i've come to see that that's only really true in a surface-level way. answering easy questions (about stuff like my favorite color or movie or food or whatever) are simple because they let me express myself without having to think too hard. but the questions asked by a common app prompt cut much deeper. what they want to know is not what do you like to do or which of your academic achievements is most impressive. they want to know something much simpler (and intensely more complicated). they're asking, who are you?
and i guess i don't know. i know about myself. i know that my favorite model of electric guitar is the fender jazzmaster. i know that i like collecting stuff. i know that i enjoy watching video essays about urban planning. but are these things who i am? do your actions define you, or am i trying (and failing) to describe some kind of immutable inner self?
i try to think of the events that have majorly shaped my life experiences- things like being an immigrant child, struggling socially, or getting into music in middle school- and they feel hollow. there are plenty of others who have gone through these exact same things. what sets my experience apart from theirs? how am i supposed to express any of this in 650 words or less?
there are no answers to any of these questions, at least for now. all i can do is look inward, all i can do is look around. (i hope the admissions officers appreciate all this, at least.)